In these posts I’m trying to move away from academic speak, to make the theories behind therapy more accessible. Self development is something I’ve been interested in for a long time. I spoke to a counsellor the first time as a student in the 1990’s. I felt unhappy, out of touch, lost and unable to dare to be my real self, mainly because I didn’t know who I was anymore. My world had changed by leaving home. Therapy gave me a space to listen, to focus on my feelings to try and make sense of this hugely important transition time in my life. It was the beginning of a journey of self development and discovery that over the decades has profoundly changed me.

We can all at times feel unhappy or overwhelmed or anxious. In a world where the focus is often on shutting down these feelings, on finding a cure to switch the feelings off, it’s easy to disregard these feelings and to label them as unhelpful symptoms to be eradicated. However the uncomfortable feelings are often the clues that if we dare to focus on them, can lead us out of the woods and help us to listen to what is wrong in our lives and help us address the problems and make change. Therapy can help you tune in and listen to yourself and look to yourself for what feels right for you instead of trying to change yourself to fit in situations that don’t suit you. From birth we are encouraged to turn away from our inner voice and instead listen and be guided by family and society. We are encouraged to fit in behave in ways that may feel out of sorts with our more authentic self. As a result we develop a mask which we present to the world, hiding our true self away as we can often feel it’s at odds with what is expected of us. Therapy can help you to look underneath this mask and begin to listen and explore who you really are. As a result making changes to how you see yourself and find ways to make changes to begin to live a more authentic life. The goal is not perfection but realness or authenticity.
We are all different, unique, no one human being is the same as another so why look to someone else to tell you how to be you and live your life. Instead of looking for outside approval the answer lies with learning to listen to yourself.

Different therapy schools talk about this drive to be authentic in different ways. Carl Rogers The founder of the Person centred tradition talks about how therapy can help you to become ‘A fully functioning person’. Someone who is open to experience, to learning and change and growth. Someone who is more creative, open to new situations and experiences realising that they might need a different approach than in the past. Someone who is open to listening to feelings and thoughts in oneself and in bodily feelings that something isn’t right and the willingness to explore or be interested in that. My main approach as a therapist is deeply rooted in that person centred tradition of therapy. This focuses on the belief that if the therapist can provide a space when the client feels listened to, accepted, and that the therapist can be real then the client can feel safe enough to use the space to explore who they really are.